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xs650 > > General Conversation > > I'm just saying... you know > > justa joke (not m/c related) |
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xsjohn Full Member


Joined: Jul 30, 2006 Posts: 5857 Location: North Carolina USSA
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Posted: June 11, 2009, 9:19 pm Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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And now that I have become xsjoan it does feel better down there for some reason....
xs something
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nudude53 Full Member


Joined: Apr 24, 2009 Posts: 623 Location: Snow Camp, North Carolina
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Posted: June 11, 2009, 9:53 pm Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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Just give it 28 days and then see how you fare.
_________________ 2 TX650's, 1 XS650B and counting |
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xsjohn Full Member


Joined: Jul 30, 2006 Posts: 5857 Location: North Carolina USSA
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Posted: June 11, 2009, 9:59 pm Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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Thanks a bunch......just felt a sudden hot flash have become totally sycotic.....
xs ..somewhere in between and clawing my way back
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Razar Full Member


Joined: Jul 03, 2008 Posts: 103 Location: North Coast New South Wales Australia
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Posted: June 11, 2009, 10:12 pm Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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I've got one of those fire stories too.
I was maybe twelve and I got it into my head to make a rocket. I got a bag of nitrate fertilizer (small bag fortunately) and some sulphur and I cooked up some charcoal. I was working in the sun room attached to the back of the house. I didn't let the charcoal cool properly. Next thing I know I'm looking into this inferno. Luckily, I must have closed my eyes in time. It didn't explode but is launched a column of flame and molten chemicals into my face. It took my eyebrows off and left burn spots all over my face, and burnt a filthy big hole in the table. Scared the crap out of my Mum.
Oh and there was this episode with the snake.........................
She's still alive , must have a stong heart.
_________________ There's more than one way to skin a cat. |
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nj1639 Full Member


Joined: Aug 22, 2007 Posts: 839 Location: Switzerland County, Indiana
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Posted: June 12, 2009, 6:03 am Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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A duck walks into the bar and orders a beer.
Bartender says " How you gonna pay."
Duck says "Put it on my bill."
_________________ "Go ahead, turn the damn power and water off, I'm ready!
'83 xs650sk
www.650rider.com/index...pic&t=5392 |
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650skull Support Staff

Joined: Jul 19, 2007 Posts: 1186
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Posted: June 12, 2009, 6:04 am Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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jayel 650Rider Supporter


Joined: Apr 16, 2006 Posts: 3417 Location: SE Iowa 1974 TX650A
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Posted: June 12, 2009, 7:24 am Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring.
It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if that damn ice cream truck hadn't come along!"
_________________ all it takes is time and money -- Where are we going and why are we in this hand basket? |
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650skull Support Staff

Joined: Jul 19, 2007 Posts: 1186
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Posted: June 12, 2009, 8:34 am Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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jimmythetrucker Full Member

Joined: Mar 12, 2008 Posts: 1283
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Posted: June 12, 2009, 8:37 am Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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xsjohn wrote: |
Thanks a bunch......just felt a sudden hot flash have become totally sycotic.....
xs ..somewhere in between and clawing my way back |
I read a few years back about one of those NC belles who got stopped for speeding by a state trooper. She kicked the sh*t out of him before he and the backup subdued her. She told the judge it was PMS made her do it. So the change might work out for you, John.
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jimmythetrucker Full Member

Joined: Mar 12, 2008 Posts: 1283
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Posted: June 12, 2009, 10:13 am Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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jayel -- that story about the ice cream truck is OLD, OLD, OLD. It was a hot item in all the truckstops thirty years ago. Boooooo! Stinky.
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jayel 650Rider Supporter


Joined: Apr 16, 2006 Posts: 3417 Location: SE Iowa 1974 TX650A
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Posted: June 12, 2009, 11:28 am Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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I wasn't at the truckstop thirty year ago, so I must have missed it then, so much for living in the past
_________________ all it takes is time and money -- Where are we going and why are we in this hand basket?
Last edited by jayel on June 12, 2009, 12:20 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Retiredgentleman 650Rider Supporter


Joined: Mar 03, 2007 Posts: 2258 Location: Calgary, Alberta 1978 XS650 SE
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Posted: June 12, 2009, 11:33 am Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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jayel, I really enjoyed the joke, thanks for the humour. I didn't frequent the truckstops either, just our badluck.
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weekendrider Support Staff


Joined: Apr 20, 2007 Posts: 1284 Location: SW MO 2x83SK 79F 78E
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Posted: July 6, 2009, 8:52 am Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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Old Timers Sex
The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'
'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'
'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence'
_________________ geocached @ N 37° 26.917', W 093 11.724, elev. 1148' |
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pumps 650Rider Supporter


Joined: May 29, 2007 Posts: 1993 Location: Kansas City, Missouri, U.S.A.- 1977 XS650 "D" Standard
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Posted: July 6, 2009, 11:28 am Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"
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_________________ You don't HAVE to be crazy to run into burning buildings, but it HELPS!
On an XS you won't pass yourself on the road everyday. 
My Bikes |
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weekendrider Support Staff


Joined: Apr 20, 2007 Posts: 1284 Location: SW MO 2x83SK 79F 78E
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Posted: September 16, 2009, 1:36 am Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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www.malhanga.com/videosflash/
_________________ geocached @ N 37° 26.917', W 093 11.724, elev. 1148' |
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xs1961 650Rider Supporter


Joined: Apr 23, 2007 Posts: 1808 Location: uk
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Posted: September 16, 2009, 2:14 am Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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Ouch !
_________________ 1 running 650
2.5 bikes in bits,
no time,
gradually losing intrest... God help me... |
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yamaman Support Staff


Joined: Jan 04, 2007 Posts: 1638 Location: Perth Western Australia
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Posted: October 13, 2009, 12:52 pm Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."
DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."
TEXAN: "Where are you from?"
HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."
TEXAN: "OK -- where are you from, jackass?"
_________________ Its not enough to have an aim in life, you have to pull the trigger! |
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yamaman Support Staff


Joined: Jan 04, 2007 Posts: 1638 Location: Perth Western Australia
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Posted: October 13, 2009, 12:54 pm Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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"A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
"He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'
"The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.'"
_________________ Its not enough to have an aim in life, you have to pull the trigger! |
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yamaman Support Staff


Joined: Jan 04, 2007 Posts: 1638 Location: Perth Western Australia
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Posted: October 13, 2009, 12:54 pm Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
_________________ Its not enough to have an aim in life, you have to pull the trigger! |
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yamaman Support Staff


Joined: Jan 04, 2007 Posts: 1638 Location: Perth Western Australia
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Posted: October 13, 2009, 4:13 pm Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"
_________________ Its not enough to have an aim in life, you have to pull the trigger! |
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xs1961 650Rider Supporter


Joined: Apr 23, 2007 Posts: 1808 Location: uk
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Posted: October 13, 2009, 4:16 pm Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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LMAO !
_________________ 1 running 650
2.5 bikes in bits,
no time,
gradually losing intrest... God help me... |
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kingwj 650Rider Supporter


Joined: Sep 04, 2005 Posts: 801 Location: Delaware
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Posted: October 13, 2009, 6:23 pm Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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yamaman wrote: |
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?" |
that is funny.
_________________ Anyone can make a car stop, it takes a genius to make a car go fast!- Enzo Ferrari
1979 XS650F
1979 XS750SF
1972 Triumph Tiger |
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nj1639 Full Member


Joined: Aug 22, 2007 Posts: 839 Location: Switzerland County, Indiana
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Posted: October 13, 2009, 6:53 pm Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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A guy walks into a bar with a toad in his head. Bartender asks, " Where did you get that?
Toad replies, " Don't know, I woke up this morning with it growing on my a$$."
_________________ "Go ahead, turn the damn power and water off, I'm ready!
'83 xs650sk
www.650rider.com/index...pic&t=5392 |
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yamaman Support Staff


Joined: Jan 04, 2007 Posts: 1638 Location: Perth Western Australia
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Posted: October 18, 2009, 5:26 pm Post subject: Re: justa joke (not m/c related) |
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A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
_________________ Its not enough to have an aim in life, you have to pull the trigger! |
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